4 days ago
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Today I have another big confession. I have an intense, and I mean INTENSE fear and disgust with my period. I feel quite alone in this, so if you are in the same boat, please tell me! It started back when my period started in high school. I had learned in Health class that I needed a certain amount of body fat in order for my period to happen. So what did I think of when it came? Fat. The crazy thing is, I have always been thin. My family is thin and toned and so was (am) I. So this was crazy, but the blood also made me want to jump out of my skin! So I stopped eating and ran until my period went away. This did not take long. Since then, I have not had regular periods. The sad thing is, my doctors are quite sure that with all I have going on, getting pregnant will likely be a challenge. I try not no worry about this too much these days since it's not time for me to try yet. However, I am working on a more healthy outlook because let's face it, healthy periods are a part of "healthy womanhood" amd I need to learn to embrace it. I am getting older and this is important. What if down the road I am thirty years old and still crying when my period comes??? That is just plain ridiculous!! But, for now, it is what I feel like doing, and crazy or not, I am scared to death of it. That's just the truth of how I feel. Well, currently, I am on some hormones, and it is now the "time" for me to be expecting my period. I am in A LOT of pain, and I am scared!! I know in my head that I should be ecstatic if I start my period- it means my body is working and it's (possibly) fertile and things are looking up (maybe). But instead I am (legitimately) dreading the pain and already wondering if I have gained too much weight and even wondering how bad I want my health. I really have to work on this. I brought it up to my therapist yesterday but it didn't seem helpful. Ugh. I would love any thoughts or feedback on this.