Period.

Well, my last period was November 2008. Yesterday I {think} started my period. I've blogged on here before about my struggles with my period. It has been a driving force behind my eating disorder. I know that sounds weird, but once I learned in school that you had to have a certain amount of body fat in order to have periods, my goal was to not have one. When I finally started my period in high school, I thought it meant I was fat {no, I do not think all the women in my life who have periods, are fat}. I would starve myself until my periods went away. Well, I'm doing much better in the food and weight areas of my life, but I must admit that I see an obese version of myself in the mirror since I started my period yesterday. I feel like such a freak.

I am just spotting right now, but the pain I'm experiencing feels like I should be bleeding much more. This pain is absolutely excruciating! I am even more attached to my heating pad than usual, and drinking lots of chamomile and lavendar tea. Last night i would wake up every two hours, which was right as my pain meds would begin to wear off. But even with the pain, I am choosing to embrace my womanhood. At 28 years of age, although I could probably count on two hands how many periods I have had, I need to embrace it. I need to love my body completely. God made me a woman and I choose to be grateful for that. I also strongly believe in mind/body/spirit connection. I cannot loathe my body and the parts/functions that make my body a woman, and expect not to be in pain. So as I experience this, I am staying in prayer and asking the Lord to help me through it.

Well, there's my vulnerability for today. Call me crazy, but this is me. These are my struggles and I choose to gently love myself through them. *Exhale*

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GI Stuff & My Lifestyle Change

***This post contains TMI****

So, now that you have been fairly warned, I will tell you about some good news today.
Part of the reason I am living with this new, quite restrictive food plan, is because of my painful BMs (bowel movements). When I did this food plan before I had lost too much weight and had to quit, but it really improved my quality of life in terms of not wanting to crawl in a hole and die due to the hours of excruciating pain that followed each BM. It was truly a nightmare. Anyway, the good news of today is that I had one this morning and it hurt, but not nearly as bad!! I can't believe it!! Sooo exciting!!

On another good note, I had an appointment with the pain clinic yesterday. I have to say, I was quite nervous. I was nervous about many things: being seen as a "pill seeker," having a provider that didn't seem to care, hear or want to understand what I am going through, etc. Well, none of the above happened!! I am STOKED that the NP I saw there, was super kind, attentive, empathetic, competent, thorough and had a hollistic approach, which is an awesome added plus! We decided on the Lidoderm Patch, Oxycodone (test to see how many I need per day, and then decide if I should try something long-acting-which scares me), and Gabapentin/Neurontin. Soooo, I guess we will see how this new plan goes!!

Wish me luck!

I HEART RESIDENTS!!

WOW, WOW!!

So, I just had a dr appointment today, and can I say again that I LOOOOOVE medical students/residents??! They tend to be so incredibly eager and I love that! Of course, we didn't get to the bottom of what is going on in this lovely body of mine, but she actually asked some critical questions and believe it or not, seemed interested (imagine that!) in what the issue is and why I am barely functioning with all of this pain! It was just encouraging to actually see a provider that is excited about her job and rather than being completely intimidated about my condition, she was interested in helping.

She didn't assume I was looking for pills- she knows I want answers and I want more than anything, to experience and FULL LIFE!! :)

So, anyway, that's my good news of the day. :)

Welcome, ICLW!

Welcome to my blog! I am a 28 year old woman battling chronic pelvic/low back pain. I have endo and major GI issues, and some things with my pain don't all seem to add up to just endo. I guess you could say I am a complicated "medical mystery." This pain issue has taken over my life. I used to be an avid runner and just overall an active person in general. This year has been quite sedentary and I am on intermittent FMLA at work. My situation can be depressing at times, but my trust and faith in Jesus, and my support from my awesome friends and family keeps me going! I am SO blessed by how loved I am! Well, that's all for now. I am on my way to the dr right now.

Hugs!

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Mirena??

On my way to the dr to talk about Mirena IUD as a possible tx for the endo... I am not so sure about it...

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