Sleep!!

I am not sure if I have written much about my chronic insomnia on here... I have battled this for years. Insomnia, as many of you know, coupled with chronic pain, is just a very bad combination! Trying to manage pain with no sleep is almost pointless.

Well, my dr started me on Trazedone this weekend. Day #1 I slept great but had a killer headache all day. My body is resistant to most sleep aids (prescription and OTC) so since this one actually worked, I wanted to give it another chance. Two days later, I'm rested and headache free!! YAY! I seriously feel like a brand new woman! My pain is still the same but it is worlds easier to get through the day when I am RESTED!

AHHHH, sleep, I love ya. I really do!

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Grief

Does anyone else find themselves going through a sort of grief process with endo?? I'm really missing "the good days," when I made plans with friends and kept my word, when I went to work over 40 hours a week and still had the energy to run and keep my body in perfect shape, having extra money to spend on cute shoes and clothes instead of medical bills, not having to worry about how many pain meds I took yesterday, not being on a constant emotional roller coaster, thus keeping my loved ones on one too, as they walk on eggshells not knowing what's going to bring me to tears... and the list goes on and on and on... chronic illness is not fun. I try to remain hopeful, but today I just don't have it. I miss the good days.

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New Pain Scale!!

Well, I am actually not sure how "new" this is, and honestly one of my least favorite things to be asked at the dr. or hospital is, "describe your pain to me on a scale of one to ten." But on my endo support page someone posted this:

Mankosi Pain Scale

0- pain free

1- very minor annoyance, occasional twinges. No medication needed.

2- minor annoyance, strong twinges. No medication needed.

3- annoying enough to be distracting. Mild pain killers (Motrin, ibuprofen, etc.)

4- can be ignored if you are really involved in your work, but still distracting. Mild pain killers effective for 3-4 hours.

5- cannot be ignored for longer than 30 minutes. Mild pain killers effective for 3-4 hours.

6- cannot be ignored for any length of time. Can still work or participate in social activities with stronger pain killers (Codiene, vicodin, etc.) Effective for 3-4 hours.

7- difficult to concentrate. Interferes with sleep. Still funtioning with effort. Strong pain killers only partially effective.

8- physical activity is limited. Can read or converse with effort. Nausea and dizziness set in as factors of the pain.

9- unable to speak. Crying out, moaning. Near delirium.

10- unconcious. Pain makes you pass out.

I thought this one was really good! Giving it to my doctor!

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UGH!!!

OMG, I just really need to vent right now! I feel like CRAP today! I had a weekend of trying to relieve myself of a week's worth of constipation- now that problem is "fixed," but I barely slept last night and I am in SO MUCH PAIN today, at work, and running out of pain meds. I am STILL waiting on some blood work so I can figure out why I am so damn tired all the time, why my scalp is flaking off, why my skin is so oily it's disgusting!! This is definitely one of those days where endometriosis is kicking my ass and I'm just too tired to fight back. I am trying to find a specialist in my area because I am just not pleased with my doctors currently. This is so stressful!!

Now What??

Well, it seems my gyn has thrown in the towel. She shoved me over to my primary care doctor to discuss pain management, and basically doesn't know what to do next since I refuse to start lupron. I am just so afraid of that stuff!! And what if it works?? Then what am I going to do, have a hysterectomy at 27?! I don't think so!! Don't get me wrong- I don't envy my dr. I know this has been a long road with me. Obviously you run out of ideas at some point but it's just so sad. So now my dr. has me on vicodin, which sucks and usually does nothing for the pain. I hate this. I just needed to vent. :(

Sorry, ICLW!

I didn't do a very good job keeping up this time. I just had a lot of personal and medical stuff going on and got too distracted. :(

Numb

I don't know why, or exactly how to explain, but today I feel numb. I feel completely void of emotions for some reason. My sweet, wonderful boyfriend came over for the afternoon and he was so happy to see me. I feel bad because I think I was happy to see him too, but I couldn't feel it. Maybe it's the pain meds. Maybe it's the pain. I am not quite sure but I just don't feel like me. I guess since my health has been so bad the past few months I feel this way often. And then guilt kicks in. I begin to feel guilty because I am not a good friend, girlfriend, sister, daughter or employee. That's all for now. :/